We have all been through them and most times no matter how much you love, you just have to know your own worth. I have walked away from a 21 year relationship because I could see my own death either by someone else's hands or taking my own life. My only option was to leave so my children would have a mother and it was the best decision of my life.
After I left, it was harsh, the responsibility we have for our family, extended family and the unnecessary responsibility we take on for the person we are with, is too much. I had to sort it all out, what to do, how my kids were going to be taken care of, the set up of the house, my travel and laying some firm boundaries down with the ex. I had to be mean because it did not matter what I said, he did not FULLY understand that I was not responsible for his mental health, his choice, his feelings and the things he chose to do after I left. I was being manipulated, emotionally abused, guilted, mislead and it was all my fault. So I said NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY over and over again.
Women and men take on so much shit and extra responsibility that is not ours that it keeps us trapped. We get trapped in trauma bonds, brain washing tactics and being in a hypnotic state when being abused and in that state everything they say goes in DEEP as a belief. That is what I learned is that when a person is going through any kind of abuse, the brain is in a hypnotic state, like a child whose brain is in a theta state, we just absorb no matter what it is.
I got asked at the end of one of the training sessions I took, "Barbara what did you learn from this workshop." I said "I realized I have been in a hypnotic state for over 21 years and had no idea that every thing he said, how he treated me, how he didn't treat me and all the nasty things that were said to me, was literally ingrained into my brain as a DEEP BELIEF. And I have homework to do to get rid of that shit of not being worthy, too fat, ugly bitch, fat cow, no one will want you, you are mine and if you leave I will kill you.
So if you ever wonder why women or men can't leave, THERE YOU GO. They are masterfully manipulated while in a hypnotic state. A hypnotic state is where the conscious brain shuts off (awake brain), the brain is in pure survival mode (fear state) and the subconscious brain is FULLY on (where all beliefs and memories are stored). So that will explain why victims remember everything, the programming goes in deep and why people feel stuck.
So in that state of arguing, in the state of survival, constantly tell your brain in your thought process "Brain stay awake, you are safe, you are secure, just listen, block their energy and KEEP YOUR BAD MEDICINE." It's like becoming a mountain of stone and nothing can penetrate, believe me it takes practice. And what I recently learned is if you want it to go back right away just say "That is what you think." It can stump them or make them think-it stops their energy from going in you.
You are responsible for you, all your choices, actions, thoughts, words, intentions and that is it. Then you are responsible for your kids. When someone uses throw backs, emotional pulling, emotional controlling, emotional manipulation and lies, that is a sure sign it is causing separation. You can address it and if a person does not have the teachings or maturity, they will not get it and sometimes they will draw a blank look. It can become ammo.
If you are with a master manipulator no matter what it will always be your fault and there is always a way of making you quiet, feel bad, not listened to, what you are sharing will be turned into something really bad when it is not and you are not heard or listened to. Don't even try to beat them at their own game. It is like lowering your vibe to beat them at their mastered game, and they will win. So keep your vibe high, listen, don't absorb and you have some decisions to make.
What I experienced after violence and gaslighting, is just how devastating it is to the psyche, self worth, self love, confidence and how you handle yourself is no longer the same. I realized now how deep the brain washing and programming is this last year. So if there is violence, the choice has been made for you, you know what to do. And if there is gaslighting, then you have a decision to make. Your spirit already knows what it wants to do and it is your mind (due to brainwashing and fear state) that it keeps you stuck. And once again, you know how I feel about being stuck ;)
I would strongly suggest that anyone who has gone through any kind of violence or gaslighting, to seek out a Traditional Healer or a person/helper who knows how to remove spiritual attachments, chords, fear, memory cells, DNA and every emotion they put into you. After those experiences a persons spirit is out of the body and they go spacy or just not there. So also find a person who knows how to bring the spirit back.
Also learn to how to reprogram your own brain so that you KNOW you are not all the shit said to you, things done to you and to find you again. It is a process and you are worth it.
Abuse is abuse is abuse. Ab is to take away, use is a tool. So if anyone is taking away from you in any way, shape or form without your permission it is abuse. Abuse is a 'negative life experience' to hinder your growth and stop you from being you. It is an identity loss and know it is time to 'put me back together.'
It is so important to know that you will grieve a loss on every level; mind, body, spirit, emotions, intimacy and sexually. It will be like a major withdrawal effect from a person which is totally normal. A person may even miss the abuse on a level that seems like "NO WAY" because when you get use to it, it becomes a comfort zone; you know when things are predictable by their vibe and how they present themselves-so yes you will grieve the abuse. So it will be very uncomfortable until you find yourself again. Being uncomfortable is apart of the healing process, get use to it because it will become your friend.
I have done grieving videos here on my website also on my YouTube, so watch them and there is lots that is shared so you know "you are not alone!"
Sharing from my life's experiences and just know "YOU ARE WORTH IT!"
Made with Unconditional Love, Peace, Unity & Calmness,
Barbara M. Moreau
Angel Who Dances on the Clouds & Mountain Stream
YOU ARE LOVED BY CREATOR, REMEMBER THAT! AND YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED!
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